I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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