Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
