Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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