this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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