If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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