Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
