Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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