Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
