You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
