im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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