The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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