Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
