i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Drunk is a universal language darling
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