we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
