my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
