Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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