I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
