yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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