that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
