I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
