Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
