He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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