oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
