There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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