I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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