when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
