Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
