my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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