3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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