the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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