She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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