Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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