Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
