Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
