butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
