I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
