i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
