I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
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I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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