I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
