Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
