we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
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I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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