Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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