Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
