so that wasnt chicken after all
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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