Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
