i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
