Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In other news, I just burned my penis
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
