I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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