Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
