that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
