Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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