anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
