just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
