I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
