a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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