These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I AM VODKA MAN
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
