So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
