Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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