I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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