You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
