ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
