I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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