on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
