even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
